Konnichiwa minna-san!
So, how long has it been? Yep. 3 months since I last wrote a blog.
Pfft.
I really need to get back into posting more regularly, but I've made promises like that before and who knows if I'll keep them :,)
Well, this blog isn't about apologies or anything like that. If it was, then the title of this blog would be...
SORRY I WAS GONE FOR SO LONG!
or
I'M BACK!
or something else like that :p
Nope! :) this blog is about explaining a lot of recent changes in my life!
For a long time, I was always feeling down. Depressed. Unhappy with life.
I felt like I was stuck and not moving forward.
I've had a dream I wanted to start following but had no courage to make it happen, so everyday...every single day I felt upset and alone because something like this is hard to talk about with people. Especially for someone like me who feels like everyone around you is always judging you. I was afraid to tell people about my dream because I wanted to give up something pretty big to reach it and I was afraid of letting people down and having them judge me. It was really hard.
But I eventually looked at myself in the mirror and said..
"Okay. This is YOUR life. NO ONE else's. Other peoples opinions only matter if you make them matter. And they don't matter."
That was a bit of a wake up call for me, let's say.
When I came to that realisation, I finally felt I had the confidence to stop living for other people and live for myself.
I have a note section on my phone titled 'Thoughts...' and in that, I write things I could NEVER tell anybody EVER. I also wrote down loads of quotes that I live by and they really encouraged me to make the effort to live.
One quote I made up for myself was..
The past is gone.
Live for now.
Welcome the future.
I came up with that to help myself welcome change and fresh starts to life! :3
I also love quotes from Dalai Lama <3 a few of those are..
Don't give up and don't give in.
Hang on to your dreams.
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it. (very important, this one!)
Make it happen.
Take control of your own destiny.
Visualise it.
Zero in on your target and go for it.
All of these quotes mean so much to me for my current situation and they are so very inspiring!
Also, a quote from Frozen, believe it or not ;3
"Turn my back and slam the door."
I've made my move. And I'm never looking back. The past is in the past as Elsa would also say ;3
Also, a quote from my most favourite person ever who is also the greatest inspiration in my life; Hayao Miyazaki.
Life is a winking light in the darkness.
All of these quotes...they just HELP me face life and to try and not be afraid of the future. There is no way to know what will happen...so YOU make what you want happen!
So, after I had my wake up call...the very big HUGE step I took was...
Quitting my job.
I know to some people, doing something like that these days where there don't seem to be enough jobs is silly...but I really don't care! :)
There are times when I think if it was the right decision and doubt what I did...then I remember my dream and I just know...that when I look back at this in the future, I will have no regrets!
I'm already feeling happier.
My dream, then?
Well...something I have enjoyed for a very long time (besides acting) is writing.
I love writing stories. I love coming up with different ideas, scenarios and characters in my head. I have a very active imagination and I want to use it :3
So, I'm working on finding some online writing courses so I can better my writing ability before I start writing stories because I have some reeeeeeally good ideas right now, but I don't want to start them until I know what I'm doing.
I have found a few already and some open university writing courses...so, yea! It's just deciding now which one I want to do!
I was very nervous and worried before all of this happened...but my mum was amazing! She was and still is very supportive of my decision and the amount of times I've asked her if she is disappointed in me is uncountable :,) but she isn't! She tells me she just wants me to be happy! And I'm very much so on my way to being!
It's all very exciting now! :) with the time I have at home, I'm starting to exercise and eat healthier which is something I've been wanting to start (..again!) for a LONG time now and I have time at home to practice my writing and do this course.
Also! Something I'm EVEN MORE excited about (which won't happen until...maybe mid-late July) is getting a dog! <3
For a long time now I have wanted a dog! A female white Toy-Poodle named Cotton! If you watch the film or have watched the film Oblivion Island: Haruka and the Magic Mirror...the little sheep toy? Yea, that's why I want to call my dog Cotton :,3
I think it sounds SUPER cute and...ah! I know having a dog will make me happy! A little friend who I'll take on walks and feed and teach tricks to and ah! It'll just be amazing! :3
I'll also have more time to make more frequent YouTube videos which I miss doing because I love making YouTube videos n.n
So, that's everything really!
I'm just happy that I'm finally living my life for ME!
It's a fresh start. A new beginning. All my old worries and responsibilities are gone.
Now I have new responsibilities and I can't wait to face them right on!
Thank you very much for reading! It feels like a big weight has been lifted putting all of this out there :3
I will try and update my blog more often so you can all see what I'm getting up to in my new life~ nyaah! n3n
Once again, thank you very much for reading and I will post again soon!
BYESIES~!
xoxo~
